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Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Today's Lesson: How to Make a Coaster Site That Sucks Balls
We get thousands of letters every day asking "ARN&R, how can I get my website to be listed as the Site O' the Weak? Huh? Huh?"
Actually, we don't get that many letters saying that. Most of them have lots of words spelled wrong, as opposed to the example above. But indeed, it's a coveted title, one that gets your site all the right kind of recognition. However, webmasters are frequently confused as to how they might position themselves and their lame-ass, pathetic, coaster nerd sites for inclusion in our hall of shame.
Fortunately, someone finally created a website specifically designed to instruct people on how to make crappy sites that ARN&R writers can notice and subject to ridicule: How to Make an Annoying Web Page.
Okay, actually it isn't designed as a primer for how to be an SOW at all. But it sure comes in handy when you're looking to be mocked by ARN&R. Just follow some of the helpful hints on this website, throw in some stupid comments about your homemade coaster skid mark collection or how your 2002 CoasterCon ID badge you wear around to other parks is certain to get you some p*ssy, and you'll be well on your way to lining up with about three thousand similarly worthless sites and forum topics we'll get around to taking the piss out of some decade or another.
[Author's Note: Of course, about 90% of you coaster enthusiasts out there have no need whatsoever to peruse the Annoying Web Page site, as your site already sucks balls on its own and really doesn't need the help. But you might.]
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.