Legoland California Receives Unexpected Units

Tim Johanson, Legoland California�s General Manager, wasn�t sure what to make of his most recent shipment. Monday morning, his park got a truckload full of gigantic dildos. They were plastic penises of all sizes, some with balls and some with a simple shaft.

�I have never seen anything quite like a 4-foot penis,� Johanson said as he stood in awe. �I mean, that is just one gigantic pecker. Jesus, that�s big.�

After returning to his office Johanson tracked down the mix-up. In May he ordered additional theming supplies for the park�s new Dino Island section. The exhibit was to be called Dino-Rama, but apparently some sloppy note taking resulted in the arrival of sex apparel for a new Dildo-Rama section.

Tina Adams, one of the proprietors of Good Vibrations, a nationally known adult toy store, said she felt the order was a bit odd when she got the call from Roger Roberts, the head of the consulting group brought in by LegoLand. �I was wondering why a guy would call and talk about theming with me, but an order is an order. I can build dildos any size a customer needs. We just never thought we would mold a penis fit for Queen Kong. I thought about asking someone if we were doing the right thing, but since Southern California is the porn capital of the country I thought they were building a new kind of theme park.�

Back at Legoland Johanson tried to fit the dildos into the scenery. �We used them as palm trees, we made them into warriors� spears and even created a stegosaurus out of dildos. Sure, it was fun to see kids playing on the �Dildosaurus� but some of the parents got apprehensive. I guess they just don�t think a child speeding down a 10-foot dong is good wholesome fun. It�s not like they were in any danger -- the balls gently stopped the kids at the bottom of the slide.�

One of the most ingenious applications was turning an ejaculating penis into a Whitewater West Rain Fortress, but the park had to take it out because it only �poured water� once every few hours on a good day.

Despite the bizarre application the large one-eyed trouser snakes got some kudos from the amusement industry. The park won a Golden Ticket Award for �Best Use Of A Choad� and insightful industry veteran Paul Ruben called the display �simply breathtaking.�

Johanson looks forward to future installations but says he will watch over things with a closer eye. �I think we�ll have to be a little more careful with 2005�s new planned 4-d show �Fun With Felines,�� the tired GM said.

--FMB

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