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Saturday, June 14, 2003
Update: Ten Days Downtime "Totally Normal and Pretty Fun!" Says Cedar Point Experts
Adding to the list of "totally normal and minor" problems with Top Thrill Dragster at Cedar Point, experts noted that the cable, supports, track, train, train accoutrements, and the station have all broken and now added the ten days of downtime due to problems with the pneumatic system.
MeanStrkRulz, a self-proclaimed "anti-Cedar-Point-fanboy," said that the as-yet unexplained ten days downtime, requiring experts from Intamin's headquarters in Switzerland, was "totally normal and pretty fun!"
"It really made me think about all the other great stuff at Cedar Point, and is sure to take a lot of time off the line once TTD comes back up," he said. "Once everyone remembers how awesome Mean Streak is, they'll never go back to Top Thrill Dragster. It's brilliant!"
Snoopy Arrested On Charges Of Public Lewdness
Peanuts character Snoopy was arrested Thursday, June 12th and charged with public lewdness after he allegedly tried to hump the legs of several ACE members as they waited in line to ride Woodstock Express, a family roller coaster located in the Camp Snoopy section of Dorney Park in Allentown, Pennsylvania.
ACE member Bernie McLeland told ARN&R, "We were all just standing there in line, minding our own business, arguing about whether Woodstock Express should count as a credit or not, which of course it should, but Fred is a total idiot and says it shouldn't because it's small, but c'mon, it's got a lift and it's powered by gravity after the hill, so how can it not be a coaster?, when, all of a sudden, Snoopy snuck up on us from behind and started rubbing up and down on our legs."
"It was quite a traumatic experience, and yet strangely sensual at the same time," said Fred Gringle, another ACE member involved in the attack. "I remember when I sat next to Emma Franklin at the buffet back at CoasterCon -- oh, man, what a great buffet it was -- and I thought she was rubbing up against my legs. That was awesome, even though it turns out it was the huge guy across the way. Anyway, this felt sort of like that."
Shelly Steiner, a park guest who was standing in line behind the accosted ACE members, was not at all surprised at Snoopy's purported public displays of affection. "Have you seen some of those ACE members?" asked Shelly. "They are, like, totally hot. Big, beefy boys in their jean jackets with all of those patches, yum-my! I can totally see why Snoopy would try to toss them a bone."
Snoopy maintains his innocence, insisting that he was the victim of a practical joke gone horribly wrong. "I don't know what came over me," Snoopy said. "Peppermint Patty must have slipped Viagra into my water dish again. Peppermint Patty is always pulling pranks on the other members of the Peanuts gang, like the time she pantsed Charlie Brown right in front of that little red haired girl. She can be very cruel."
After posting bail, Snoopy was released on Friday morning from the Allentown Police Department. Police and Dorney Park officials are still investigating the incident. A full report is expected to be released sometime next week.
Friday, June 13, 2003
Paramounts Kings Dominion To Install "Wedgie Cams" On Drop Zone Ride
In order to substantiate claims that the new 305-foot tall Drop Zone Stunt Tower at Paramounts Kings Dominion causes instant wedgies to riders during its 72 mile-per-hour rapid descent, park officials have announced that they will be installing "Wedgie Cams" onto all 56 seats of the world-record-breaking drop ride.
Flapjack Fishhead, media relations spokesperson for Kings Dominion, recently chatted with ARN&R about this exciting new addition to the newly opened Drop Zone ride.
"The cams will use the latest in infrared and X-ray technology to 'see through' the pants of riders," explained Fishhead. "They will be aimed right at the crotches of guests and will show with great clarity and amazing detail how quickly a rider's underwear is sucked right up their butt crack during the ride's high speed descent."
Fishhead went on to say, "The cameras will broadcast a continuous streaming video feed that can be viewed either on Kings Dominion's Web site or on various closed-circuit television monitors located throughout the Drop Zone queue and all around the rest of the park. As an added bonus, guests will even be able to purchase souvenir ride photos of their undies stuck up their hineys! Is this a great country that we are living in, or what?" Fishhead added that the park was considering proposals to sell the best wedgie photos to various fetish web sites.
Paramount decided to install the "Wedgie Cams" in response to the allegations of deceptive advertising brought against them by rival theme park chain, Six Flags.
Six Flags America Vice-President and General Manager, Janet Porter, said in a prepared statement, "We think that it is absolutely unacceptable that Paramounts Kings Dominion would make such a ridiculous assertion as the one they have made recently about their new Drop Zone tower ride. It is obvious to us that they are exaggerating the thrill of their lackluster new ride by insinuating that all riders will experience an instant wedgie while on the ride. Why, I'll bet that that drop ride in their commercial is not even really in the park! In fact, if I'm not mistaken, I do believe that the drop ride featured in their commercial is actually a digitally altered version of our 'Hellevator' drop ride located at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom."
"The Six Flags Corporation would never stoop so low as Paramount Parks has," Porter continued. "We pride ourselves on our completely accurate and always truthful advertising. If you see a ride in a Six Flags America commercial, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll find that ride at Six Flags America. And, furthermore, if Six Flags tells that you one of our roller coasters will give you a swirlie every time you ride it, then by golly, you better believe that it will. After all, our reputation and good name are at stake."
Fishhead had no response to what he termed as Porter's "incessant meandering and ranting."
The "Wedgie Cams" are expected to be operational on the first day of summer, June 21, 2003. Starting on that date, in order to avoid potentially embarrassing video of your private parts from being broadcast around the park and around the world, Kings Dominion strongly advises that all guests planning to ride the Drop Zone Stunt Tower wear underwear, preferably clean underwear.
[Ed. Note: Avoid embarrassment -- wear ARN&R underwear! We've got a tasteful thong and comfy boxers.]
Posted at 8:34 AM | Link |
Thursday, June 12, 2003
Adult Coaster Enthusiasts Spend Hours Developing CPO Barbs
In an exclusive investigative report, ARN&R can report today that several Coasterbuzz forum participants, most of whom are generally functional adults, stayed up all night to come up with a snappy forum post in hopes that they would be acknowledged in this very publication.
“I’m totally dragging at work today,” commented CsTrLuvr232, 34, in a private e-mail. “But staying up all night will be worth it if my post insulting the Coaster Preservation Organization makes it onto ARN&R! Then, people will know that I’m important.” CsTrLuvr232, who works as a 911 operator, transferred three reports of heart attacks to animal control due to his exhaustion.
While coming up with a witty joke or comment was the primary task, using creative spelling and grammar to mock the group of 15-year-olds took the most time for these dedicated satirists.
“It was great, it was the penultimate of posts!” exclaimed frequent poster KosterNerdy, a 28-year-old systems administrator, of his remark that ‘these guys don’t know anything about the law, and there [sic] lunch money will never buy them a coaster.” When asked if he knew the actual definition of the word “penultimate,” he said “Duh – it’s one better than the best!”
When last checked, the American Heritage Dictionary defined penultimate as nothing even close to 'Nerdy's description.
Premier Rides To Introduce Launched Carousel
Premier Rides of Millersville, Maryland recently unveiled plans for their next-generation merry-go-round, tentatively known as the "Giga-Go-Rounder." President and owner of Premier Rides, Jim Seay, saw an opportunity for his company to expand into the ever popular kiddie rides market, a market that, up until now, Premier has had no success entering. Their previous plans to build the "Underwater Hyper Wacky Wet Wave Swinger" never made it off the drawing board, and the kids' spaghetti bowl coaster was clearly ill-conceived. This time, however, Premier is convinced that they have a smash hit ride to introduce to the amusement park world.
"Through the miracle of LIMs (linear induction motors), we have created a Merry-Go-Round that can go from zero to eighty-three miles an hour in just 1.2 seconds," said Seay in an exclusive interview. "This baby blows the away the competition! If insane speed and inevitable nausea are what you want from your merry-go-round experience, then Premier has a ride for you. Trust me, the kids are gonna just love this ride!"
As always, safety was a major concern for Premier, so they took extra care in designing the restraint systems for the Giga-Go-Rounder to insure guest comfort and safety. Each horse comes equipped with individual ratcheting stirrups and padded over-the-saddle restraints. For extra security, each horse has its own set of grab bars attached at the manes.
And, just in case that isn't enough, Premier has installed their newly created "Positron Guest Retention System" into every horse on the Giga-Go-Rounder. The Positron system works by emitting extremely powerful negatively charged electromagnetic fields that actually attract and hold like super glue to the naturally occurring positively charged electromagnetic fields that emanate from every human being, including small children.
Seay says, "There are some issues to be worked out with the Positron system, but once we can figure out how to stop -- or at least minimize -- the severe brain damage caused by the Positron system, it will revolutionize the amusement industry, for sure! We are very excited about this project."
When asked why he felt that the world needed an eighty-three mile per hour merry-go-round, Seay responded, "Who knows why? We just wanted to make sure that we did it first. So, next week, when Intamin or Vekoma introduces their 'next generation XTreme merry-go-round' and tries to say that it's the first of its kind anywhere in the world, we can say nuh-uh, we already did that last week. Nyah, nyah."
Seay then proceeded to hike his pants up as far as they would go, spin around in circles and proclaim over and over, "I am the Linear King, and I can do anything."
The Giga-Go-Round is expected to be ready in time to debut at the IAAPA convention in Orlando, Florida this November, 2003. Stop by the Premier Rides booth #4964 for more information or for a test spin.
Wednesday, June 11, 2003
Confidential to Someone Secret Whose Handle Might Rhyme with Roasta-Flaya
ARN&R can't get enough of your love, babe
Boy, we don't know, we don't know why
ARN&R can't get enough of your love, babe
Oh, some things ARN&R can't get used to
No matter how we try
It's like the more you give, the more we want
And baby, that's no lie, oh, no, babe
How can ARN&R explain all the things we feel
You've given us so much, boy, you're so unreal
Still we keep loving you more and more each time
Boy, what are we gonna do because you're blowin' our collective mind
[Ed. Note: What, you expected more on the CPO? We've gotta get back to our mission statement somehow, and this somehow seemed like the logical way.]
ARN&R Promises Not to Call Lee Coaster "Thunder Pissy" Ever Again
We at the AbsolutelyReliable Towers in San Francisco, and our executives lolling about the AbsolutelyReliable Hot Tub with Jessica Alba and Kristen Kreuk, convened via conference call to determine the course of action to take regarding this kind missive from the object of everyone's affection, Lee Coaster of the Coaster Preservation Organization:
Ok, here is the deal, you can post your fake articles,but do not change ThunderFun to Thunder Pissy. I am very pooped over this debate, and will have it come to an end soon.
We heartily thank Mr. Coaster for giving us permission at long last to openly mock and taunt him at our website, especially given his utterly pathetic attempt to threaten us in a previous letter. We're glad that it's now okay for us to make a mockery of this idiotic little twit, and pledge to write as many articles as possible doing so. Such as here, here, here, and here. More to come!
Also, we promise to you, Mr. Coaster, we shall never, ever, under any circumstance, ever refer to you again as "Thunder Pissy." See, it's easy for us to do that, because we never did call you Thunder Pissy. Think of what other word starts with a P and ends with a Y. Actually, it's spelled the same except that there is a "u" as opposed to an "i." So we'll just keep calling you Thunder Pu#@y so we won't make you mad by referring to you as "Thunder Pissy." Thanks for your support.
Mockery of Coaster Preservation Organization ‘Formly’ Club Continues
ARN&R continues its valuable public service of letting the public and the outstanding intellects of the Coaster Preservation Club know when derision, mockery, pointing and laughing, and any general untoward wacky shenanigans are being undertaken in regards to this wonderful, amazing website and its fearless simian leader, Thunder P&%sy.
In addition to the crown jewel in the collection of “CPC formly CPO” mockery listed below, the Koaster Preservation Klub, we have been made aware of several comments on other websites that seem to be making fun of the little 5-year-old bed-wetter. This one is representative:
Thank you for finally writing some articles about these idiots. All of us at CoasterBuzz have been mocking them for a while, but this puts them on a bigger stage. It's always nice to see kids pulling laws out of their asses to threaten amusement parks.
Keep up the great work and continue with the CPO mockery.
We’ve gotten others, but this is the prevailing opinion. It would be best if Mr. P&%sy send a threatening email to every internet address on the planet, just in case any of these addresses are used by those who are enjoying seeing him being mocked.
Additionally, we at ARN&R call your attention to the ongoing discussion at Coasterbuzz, where Mr. Coaster has obviously made lots of friends. Four pages worth, and counting, actually. There are many, many quotes that we like…er, I mean, that we are appalled by or something….but we especially like Teknoscorpion’s take on the situation:
I've now decide to start my own Coaster Saving orgonizasun(hehe)
Coaster Rescurers And Preservationistsissts
The site will be up in a few days, Joint C.R.A.P. Now for only $2000. Our law is any coaster that is SBNO for more than 12 hours is ours, or we'll sue. I'm the Grand Masterflash of the org., so just send a check to me made out to TeknoScorpion P.O. Box 1313 Mockingbird Ln. Munsterville, AL. Who [wants] to join??
Mr. Teknoscorpion, we know you were hoping for an interview. We’d love to hear your further thoughts, so send us an email and we’ll chat! Did we make your day?
Then there is this laughably stupid website that seeks solely to mock and taunt poor Lee Coaster of the CPO “formly” CPC, which we think is just really mean. Someone has way too much time on their hands to….oh, what’s that? Oh! Apparently this is an actual webpage where Mr. Coaster lists his exciting plans to build a backyard coaster called Project: Wild Angel. We thought the part where he sent a letter to PTC asking for a train had to be a hilarious joke, but that appears not to be the case. Oops.
CPO! Get after these bad, nasty people!
The Community Comes Together
In response to our heartfelt plea to let us know about any unpleasant mockery of the Coaster Preservation Organization ("formly CPC"), we heard about this horrible, offensive, terribly bothersome site called the Koaster Prezervation Klub. We were shocked -- shocked! -- to see that someone is out there making fun the "CPO(formly CPC)."
So, here's our notification to Lee Coaster, Grand Poobah of the real "CPO(formly CPC)" -- you probably want to send the folks there a nice note like you did to us.
More on this breaking story later. Promise.
PKD Midway Olympics Revised
Paramount’s King’s Dominion developed a little special treat for ACE members attending the historic 25th anniversary Coaster Con, to be held next week at the popular Virginia park. As reported in the event flyer and in ACE News, PKD will be featuring the PKD Midway Olympics, which was to be “team tournament play in all our favorite Midway games: Whack-A-Mole, Quarter Toss, Skee Ball, Ring Toss, Basketball Free Throw, and others.”
Unfortunately, vehement protests by ACE members promptly curtailed the scheduled games. “I don’t think most members of our organization would be capable of doing most of these games,” said Bob Gooboski, 43. “King’s Dominion is really being unfair with these games, considering how nerdy and sedentary most of us are. If it doesn’t have something directly to do with useless information about a roller coaster or our mom’s basements or jacking off, they can’t expect us to be putting in any effort. Sorry.”
Hundreds of other members voiced similar complaints, complaining, for example, that it would be “completely unreasonable for ACE members to undergo the incredible exertion required to shoot a few basketballs,” and that “the only thing we’re capable of tossing is the ham javelin.” Sources tell ARN&R that a boycott was imminent as of last night, leading to fears that ERT lines would be under four hours on some days of the conference.
Fortunately, cooler heads prevailed. “All it took was a quick revision,” says Mike Rotch, PKD’s Assistant Manager of Special Olympic Events. “We’ve dropped all of these physically demanding exercises and tough mental challenges that no enthusiast is remotely capable of completing. Instead, we’ll have an Olympics with really great, fun events that are sure to please these ACE members.”
Rotch went on to confirm that all previously announced events would be cancelled, and that the following ones would be established in their place: Identifying the Bastard Ride Ops Who Staple You in Your Seat, Barbecue Eating Contest, Listing Dozens of Your Favorite Obscure Coasters to Family Members and Random Strangers Who Don’t Give a S%#&, Pie Eating Contest, Writing Detailed Notes on Each Coaster Ride While on it Instead of Enjoying the Damn Thing, Chicken Eating Contest, Pathetically Following the Three Attractive Female ACE Members Like Pathetic Little Yapping Dogs, Gravy Drinking, Bitching About Not Getting Loads of Free Stuff After Getting Loads of Free Stuff, Lard Eating Contest, and, of course, Vigorous Masturbation. ACE members universally applauded the new format. The competition thus far seems to be evenly matched, with no clear-cut favorites, except of course in the Vigorous Masturbation category, where Thunder P%sy of the Coaster Preservation Organzation 'Formly' Club is considered unassailable.
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
Members Of Coaster Zombies Coaster Club Mistaken For Actual Zombies
Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio
On Saturday, June 7, 2003, five members of the Coaster Zombies coaster enthusiast club were standing in line for Top Thrill Dragster, the new 420-foot tall "strata-coaster" at Cedar Point. By mid-afternoon, they had been standing in line for about seven hours and had barely moved for six of those seven hours.
When Cedar Point employee, Josh Winkelman, spotted them in line, he immediately made an emergency call to park security, believing them to be actual flesh-eating zombies. "I was making my way through the Top Thrill Dragster line offering the usual free massages and margaritas to park guests when I spotted them," said Winkelman. "They were so pale, and they all had such blank empty looks on their faces. Their eyes were rolled back up into their heads just like in that Michael Jackson music video. I knew at once that they must be the living dead. I called security right away before they had the chance to feast on anyone's brains. They all looked very hungry."
Park security quickly surrounded the suspected zombies and ordered them to put their hands behind their heads and to get down on the ground. When they did not immediately respond, park security proceeded to attack them with mace and Taser guns. The club members instantly began screaming, falling to the ground and writhing in agony. Some jiggling occurred as well.
Club leader, Sam Marks, finally managed to convince security guards that he was indeed a living breathing human being and not a zombie by flashing them his official Coaster Zombies coaster club membership card. "We would never allow an actual zombie to join the club," Sam pleaded. "Our club's constitution specifically prohibits bona fide zombies from joining. I must be a genuine living human being or I wouldn't have this membership card, now would I?"
That logic must have been enough to convince park security that Sam and his group were indeed still alive and kicking and had no intentions of munching on anyone's medulla oblongata, because they promptly stopped their assault on the suspected specters.
Park officials were obviously very embarrassed by this mix-up and quickly apologized to Sam and his Coaster Zombie friends. To make up for the misunderstanding, Cedar Point offered Sam and his coaster loving companions free "I (barely) survived the Top Thrill Dragster Queue" t-shirts and unlimited Top Thrill Dragster bathroom passes for life.
King Cobra Commits Ritual Suicide to Avoid Donation to Coaster Preservation Club
Late last night, paramedics and Paramount’s King’s Island staff members rushed to the rescue of Standing (well, not exactly standing in the official sense) But Not Operating coaster King Cobra, only to find they were too late. At 1:12 AM, medics pronounced the ride dead. The cause was reported by the medical staff as “self-smelting.”
“The ritual immolation of this ride was like nothing I’d ever seen,” reported PKI’s Daniel Berkshire. “King Cobra has been growing more and more despondent in the months since it was removed from operation at PKI. When it seemed like the ride would be moved to Terra Mitica, it perked up and seemed more alive and happy than it had in several weeks. But then lately, when it appeared that deal was stagnating, the Cobe just really seemed down and despairing. This Coaster Preservation Club (CPC, oops, we mean CPO) thing was the final straw, I guess. It’s a tragedy.”
Said Berkshire, “I think Cobra might have survived if we’d been able to keep it in storage until a suitable buyer had been found. Sadly, our hand was forced by the mighty and fearsome power of the monumental intellects at Coaster Preservation Club. Their threat to sue our park for being in violation of their completely made up law had us %%ing our collective pants and quaking in mortal terror of these little pricks and their cavalcade of trained experts. After all, according to their website, ‘the law is that a rollercoaster cannot remain standing but not operating for more than three months, A rollercoaster that is in storage must be sold off within [sic] a year's time. If this law is broken, that park(s) will be sue [sic] by the CPO,if the that ride is not handed over. Parks in violation are: Six Flags Marine World, Six Flags Magic Mountain, Six Flags America, Paramount's Kings Island, and Camden Park.’ “
Berkshire went on to say: “What can we do about that? We decided that we simply had to hand over King Cobra to whichever retarded 12 year old showed up with his mom’s station wagon and let him take the thing straight to Indiana and/or North Carolina. King Cobra didn’t seem to think much of that decision, but we certainly didn’t think it would take its own life.”
King Cobra left a suicide note. It read, in part: “I cannot bear to live with the idea that I will be donated to the worthless cretin life forms who are members of the Coaster Preservation Organization ‘Formly’ Club. All I wanted was to give mild thrills and occasionally excruciating pain to people and their genitals. I cannot accept being fondled and masturbated upon by morons. With that thought I leave you. Good bye, cruel world!”
The medical experts state that King Cobra had disemboweled itself hara-kiri style, drew and quartered itself, and then engaged in ritual self-immolation. “Well,” said the expert, “at least in the way it could. When it discovered that lighter fluid and a match wouldn’t have much effect, the suffering coaster flung itself into a giant smelting pit and melted into oblivion. Sort of like what happens at the end of Terminator 2. Except King Cobra was extending a different finger besides its thumb.”
“Death by self-smelting,” said the expert. “That’s a rotten way to go. But I’d do it myself if my other option was being groped and ejaculated upon by Thunder P&$%sy.”
Monday, June 09, 2003
Wonder Woman To Sue Six Flags Over Sexual Discrimination
A statement released by attorneys representing Wonder Women indicates that the ex-Super Friend intends to sue Six Flags Parks over what she calls "a blatant example of sexual discrimination in the workplace."
An excerpt from the statement reads:
"Wonder Woman has tried unsuccessfully for years to get her name and likeness immortalized on a roller coaster or other amusement park ride. She has been disappointed time and time again as Superman, Batman, Robin, The Joker and even Two-Face have been awarded their own rides, and subsequent hefty pay increases, and Wonder Woman has repeatedly been overlooked for promotions year after year. She can only assume that her gender was the motivating factor for her not being given her own attraction and a promotion."
"Two-Face? Who the hell is Two-Face?!?" Wonder Woman was overheard shouting to Gary Story, COO of Six Flags, shortly before she quit the company. "I'm Wonder Woman! Wonder f---in' Woman, for the love of God!! Everyone in the whole f---in' world knows who I am! Remember my magic lasso? What about my invisible plane? Hel-lo?"
Gary Story responded to the accusation of discrimination by saying, "Discrimination? 'Shah... roo-ight... If we discriminate against women so much, then how do you explain Poison Ivy's Tangled Train? Hmmm? Poison Ivy is a woman, isn't she? A budding, beautiful, bodacious, bosomy, busty, buxom, babe of a woman who got where she is today solely based on her hard work and dedication, I assure you. Also, what about Batman and Robin: The Chiller? Robin's a woman, isn't she? So there! Quit your whining, Wonder Woman, and go get me some coffee!"
Immediately after hearing Gary's response, Wonder Woman tendered her resignation to Six Flags Parks and hired a large team of aggressive attorneys to represent her in her lawsuit against Six Flags. She also immediately dropped out of the Justice League and ripped her Super Friends membership card in half. She then jumped into her invisible plane and was last seen heading towards Universal Studios, Islands Of Adventure in Orlando, presumably to be with her on-again, off-again boyfriend, The Hulk.
Attorneys for the Six Flags Corporation could not be reached for comment.
UPDATE: Our top-secret news sources recently overheard Wonder Woman's attorneys discussing a separate but related lawsuit being brought against Six Flags by Jayna, one of the Wonder Twins, and Gleek, her pet monkey. Details are sketchy, but the lawsuit appears to have something to do with charges of sexual harassment and Superman's x-ray vision.
Sunday, June 08, 2003
We Have Been Warned.
It's always exciting when we get to really use the stuff in the disclaimer down at the bottom of the page (this is the good part: "Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers."). And when we get an e-mail like this, from the Master Grand Superfly Poobah of the Coaster Preservation Club, it's really exciting. The Poobah speaks:
I found that article very rude and not funny, and other companies, and organizations may not mind have [sic] jokes made towards them, but the CPO(formly [sic] CPC) does. Do not post any more articles on the CPO. I will be checking.
We're not really sure if Six Flags and other parks "not mind have jokes made towards them," but we surely have been warned now, and he will be checking, as will, presumably, the massed armies of the CPO ("formly" CPC) working on the new park in Indiana. Or perhaps North Carolina.
And we'd like to help out the good folks there at the "CPO(formly CPC)". So, please -- if you know of somewhere mocking the "CPO(formly CPC)," be sure to let us know (contact address over there on the left) and we'll be sure to pass it along to Mr. Coaster by means of posting it here.
So far we're aware of this one at Coasterbuzz and this one at ACN. Oh, and this one, also at Coasterbuzz.
Any others? Don't hold back -- we want to be very sure that every single instance of "CPO(formly CPC)" mockery is passed along so that Mr. Coaster can send out e-mails to all of them.
Together, we can make a difference.
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.