Still here. But mostly in 140 characters.
- - -

Wednesday, September 17, 2003
Vekoma to Announce Seatless Floorless Coaster

Responding to the growing popularity of coasters with "less" -- no floors, no over-the-shoulder restraints, and so on -- Vekoma is set to announce a seatless and floorless coaster, ARN&R can exclusively report.

"We know our rides are beloved throughout America for their smoothness, reliability, and comfort," said a spokesman for the Dutch company. "So we have taken the genius engineering skills developed through making SLCs and Boomerangs and put it towards developing this outstanding ride."

Sketches obtained from a confidential source indicate that riders will walk onto a platform not unlike those used for B&M inverted coasters. After standing in their assigned locations (marked with large circles on the platform), a vise-like apparatus will drop from above. Four sharp points ("with a layer of soft rubber for comfort!" notes Vekoma's spokesman) will be gently but firmly pressed into each rider's head to hold them in place.

"And that's it! That's all the restraints!" exclaimed the spokesman. "The platform will drop from under them, and the riders will enjoy 3,850 feet of fun hanging from their heads!" The course is expected to include a vertical loop, two inline twists, and a new element known only as the "vertebrae-cracker."

For safety purposes, an additional restraint will consist of a metal chain power-stapled to each rider's abdomen.

Posted at 8:50 AM | Link | 0 comment(s)

0 Comment(s):

Post a Comment

- - -


[Powered by Blogger]

Copyright 2002-2009 Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.

Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."

Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.

Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.

We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.