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Monday, September 15, 2003
New Site o' the Weak
We are thrilled to award our prestigious Site o' the Weak honors to the G Force Coaster Page, presented for your cross-eyed horror in black and blue font over an optically-violating teal. Among the things we love about the opening page are the fact that it has "photo's [sic]," as well as the very creative use of tenses and possesives, a common trait of our Sites o' the Weak. Of course, there are many awful coaster websites out there that have an abysmal design and are unable to use functional English, but it's a very, very, very special one that tells you "[a]fter exiting the train, you stumble away as if you were imbibed from alcohol." We have no idea what this means, but it sounds quite painful indeed.
Once you've puzzled over the Dali-like implications of how one could possibly be "imbibed by alcohol," head on over to the lovely "photo's" of the ever-popular Black Widow, and be educated by the exquisitely detailed investigative report about roller coaster accidents. Additionally, the website operator modestly assures us that he is "truly a master of the music trade."
Attention lawyers! Wanna make some dough? (Of course you do. Don't lie.) One of our clever and well-read correspondents alerts us to the fact that several pictures at the G Force Roller Coaster Site, including this one of the Lightning Loops, are taken from an issue of Popular Mechanics without permission or acknowledgement. (In other words, they are stolen.) Classy.
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.