Canada's Wonderland Announces Flying Coaster Upgrade

The mighty voice of tens and tens of enthusiasts made itself heard again this week, as Paramount Canada's Wonderland, possibly the most awkwardly-named park on the planet, announced major changes to its new Zamperla/Volare flying coaster, called, in a spasm of creativity, "The Flying Coaster."

"We heard a lot of people didn't like the one at Elitch Gardens," said spokesman Jonathan Selby. "So we've really improved this one."

Chief among the improvements, according to Selby, is the improved station music. "We've gotten rid of the stuff that Zamperla encouraged us to use, like that 'I Believe I Can Fly' crap. Instead, we've got some good Canadian music from Bryan Adams, Paul Anka, and Celine Dion. Oh, and Bachman Turner Overdrive. The kids these days love that BTO!"

Also improved are the colors of the trains. "No more orange track!" exclaimed Selby. "We now have green track! It will be much better."

When asked if Zamperla had made any modifications to the design of the coaster itself, Selby looked puzzled. "Why would they? That coaster rules. It just needed some minor cosmetic changes."

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