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Friday, July 18, 2003
ACE General Store to Offer Muumuu
Exciting news reached coaster enthusiasts this evening, as the American Coaster Enthusiasts (ACE) Executive Committee approved the sale of muumuus at the ACE Online General Store.
"Today is a great day for the members of our organization," stated ACE Imperious Master Overlord for Life Carole Sanderson. Showing off sketches of the new product with a laser pointer and large glossy poster, Sanderson pointed out the typical ACE logo seen on other products, such as t-shirts and jackets. Naturally, for products this large, the logo is decidedly more ample than the one seen on other products. Said Sanderson, "We expect these things to sell in the millions. I've been to every ACE event for free the last several years, and, believe me, the stunning amount of buffet obliteration I've seen ACErs commit has convinced me that the sale of official muumuus is the surest way to get us enough money for our Gravy Museum and Archives."
Promotions Director Lee Colletti gave reporters further details. "We've been selling XL-sized shirts for years, then with the addition of various dripping foods on sticks and the emergence of Deep Fried Oreos in recent years, we upgraded to XXL. But that could not contain the Jabba-like mounds of raw flesh created by the All-U-Can-Eat Suet, Buckets O' Hamburger, and metric assloads of gravy being consumed at the feeding frenzies known as 'ACE Picnics.' The muumuu was our only choice. Now any ACE member can look stylish and sexy, while also supporting their great organization, in our sleek line of muumuus."
Colletti went on to say that "we will start by featuring the muumuus in garish, hard-to-miss colors such as Dayglo Pink, Neon Orange, Paisley, Chrome, and, of course, Bright Fuchsia. After all, who wouldn't be damn proud to show off such a great enthusiast garment after gorging on the whole cow at Wild Adventures? And won't the muumuus look great flapping away in the breeze as their owners ride inverted coasters like Raptor and Talon?"
Colletti also noted that "there are a few naysayers who worry that ACE members wearing those bright purple muumuus will be referred to as 'Grimace' or 'Barney,' but that's really just silly, unprovoked speculation."
Sanderson concluded the discussion by mentioning that ACE has plans for even more exciting, original merchandise with the ACE logo attached. Among those mentioned were ACE codpieces, ACE jock straps, ACE kilts, and ACE Vaseline.
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We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.