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Thursday, June 26, 2003
AbsolutelyReliable Con - Day Three
The final day was chock full of fun and merriment. It began with group panel discussions. First off were Lee Coaster, Xfan, Roarfan, and Mrceagle, in a forum titled "How to Make Yourself Look Like a Complete Buffoon by Using Awful Grammar in Your Rabid Hate Mail and Posts About Silly Satire Sites." Then, after a nutritious all-you-can-eat lunch of Banana Splits With Krispy Kreme Donuts, attendees returned for the seminar called "Mercilessly Shredding the Coaster Preservation Organization a new @%$hole," with Coastplaya, coasterphil, and Teknoscorpion, along with special appearances from the ARN&R staff. The final session, "How to Become as Brilliant, Attractive, and Hysterically Amusing as the Staff of ARN&R," featuring writers and editors of the website, unfortunately had an audience of exactly zero persons, a puzzling occurrence.
Although ACE came up with the idea for a pajama party at CoasterCon this year, ARN&R wasn�t above stealing it. Of course, instead of featuring an onslaught of horrifying be-pajama�d enthusiast gristle all night, our pajama party featured Jessica Alba, Halle Barry, Jennifer Connelly, Kristen Kreuk, and Parker Posey. ARN&R staffers report that the organizers will be unable to hire most of these nightie-wearing hot babes next year unless the ARN&R Shoppe does especially brisk business this summer, so start forking over those dead presidents unless you want to see dozens of writhing, pasty enthusiast butts instead.
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.