|
On Twitter Current Archive Contact Us Boycott Us Stalk Us Give Us Money Atom Feed
All information guaranteed absolutely accurate or your money back.
|
- - -
Tuesday, May 20, 2003
IAAPA Response to Ankle, Arm, Torso, Neck, Finger, Toe, Ear and Eye Injuries: "G-Forces Don't Cause Brain Injuries" The International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions ("IAAPA") forcefully responded today to reports that virtually every injury reported by amusement park guests involves the guests' ankle, arm, torso, neck, finger, toe, ear, or eye by referring reporters to what it described as a "meticulously performed study by leading researchers into brain injuries resulting from gravitational forces." According to IAAPA, the report concludes that strong G forces do not cause brain injuries in numbers significantly greater than ordinary activities. "To those people who say that amusement park rides can injure riders' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," declared IAAPA president Clark Robinson. "And for those who note that inadequate restraints, operator error, or unclear instructions cause many of those injuries, I have just one thing to tell you: The g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries," he concluded. Six Flags COO Gary Story concurred. "While some may believe that our valued guests' ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, and eyes are at risk when they visit our parks, I would like to refer you to the American Association of Neurological Surgeons report that concluded that g-forces pose no threat to their brains. I would also like to note that Dr. Rhea Seddon, a former astronaut and mother of four, has agreed that g-forces pose no threat of brain injuries. You're at no greater risk of brain injury riding a coaster than sneezing!" When asked if either IAAPA or Six Flags would be commissioning studies of injuries to ankles, arms, torsos, necks, fingers, toes, ears, or eyes, or studies of restraints, operator training, or the clarity of instructions, Story and Robinson both noted that "the g-forces experienced on amusement park rides do not cause brain injuries." Posted at 10:05 AM | Link | 0 comment(s)
|
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.
0 Comment(s):
Post a Comment