Drunken Former Vekoma Workers Plan New Coasters, Company

Visibly intoxicated former employees of Vekoma spend a weeknight binge drinking, vomiting copiously, and creating fascinating new rides, say sources close to ARN&R. According to eyewitnesses, fourteen coaster designers and amusement experts who worked for the Dutch company were seen shotgunning malt liquor, mixing Strawberry Boone�s with XO Cognac, and participating in other Bacchanalian atrocities until well past 4AM. The entrepreneurs also made preliminary drawings of several repulsively awful coasters they plan to inflict upon the public.

�Yeah, I thought maybe I�s just maka upa coasser at random this week,� blabbered the near-comatose Zeke Hanson. �I mean, who�s give a rat�s ass anyways cuz no one likes our rides and people hurts they heads on coassers and that guy told on us to the website cuz we drunk.� Hanson showed reporters a crude picture, written in Burnt Siena crayon, of a new flying coaster design that features pincers supporting passengers by the knuckles and scrotum.

After uttering several unprintable obscenities (deleted due to the wholesome family nature of our publications), Hanson added that �maybe I�s make ride that bash heads or cause ear bleeding or put anal probe on. Too bad S&S thought of the crotch bunnies and not me.�

The ex-employees of the universally disliked Vekoma corporation also found time amidst all the St. Ides/Midori/Everclear punch guzzling to officially form their own company after breaking from bankrupt Vekoma. The company will be called KumbaK. The former Vekoma workers expect a titanic lawsuit any second now from Bolliger & Mabillard, who are assumed to be more than mildly peeved by the idea that even one stupid earth dweller might be confused into thinking that the widely praised and innovative B&M megalooper at Busch Gardens Tampa was built by the same imbeciles who foisted the SLC, Boomerang, and Gouderix upon the citizens of the Free World.

ARN&R contacted the ever-reliable and coherent Xfan for his opinions on ex-Vekoma workers being stinking drunk while creating garbage coasters, seeing as this brave soul was the first to uncover widespread intoxicated debauchery throughout the staff at ARN&R. Xfan issued a terse �no comment� on the matter, stating that he was �busy studying for [his] Kindergarten Equivalency Tests.�

Designer Joss Haagenfrau proudly showed off his drunken designs for the evening. Der �bertrachtprugel will, if Haagenfrau�s inebriated sketches can be considered reliable, feature coaster cars which rise to a high peak, then lock into place and tilt into position, after which they plummet face first directly into the ground 200 feet below. Haagenfrau noted that �even more pains would be causing than Mind Erasers.� Immediately prior to blacking out in a puddle of his own excrement, the designer twirled in circles on a table yelling �our little Mikey�s all growns up, our little Mikey�s all growns up!�

--JCK

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