- - -
Wednesday, February 19, 2003
Busch Gardens Tampa Apologizes to Celebrity Pair
The president of Busch Gardens Tampa says he is sorry for making Catherine Zeta-Jones feel bad with the unauthorized onride photos taken of the actress and husband Michael Douglas in 2000.
Ed Sanchez took the stand in London�s High Court yesterday as part of his legal battle with the actress, and issued an apology for the offense and distress he had caused Zeta-Jones and Douglas. However, Sanchez stood by the use of the photos, and called the multi-million dollar lawsuit filed by the pair �pretty over the top.�
During court proceedings last week, Zeta-Jones claimed that the onride Montu photos were of poor quality and were unflattering to her. �The quality was what every theme park visitor would dread,� she stated. �It was cheap and tacky, and it made my ass look huge. I didn�t know the cameras were even there. I have undergone devastating damage and stress over these horrid pictures, and the harm to my career is monumental.�
Douglas added that �Busch Gardens is well aware that Catherine and I have an exclusive relationship with Cedar Fair parks, and only those parks can take photos of us squealing like stuck pigs on roller coasters. Busch took those photos illegally and with an intent to spite us.�
�I am apologetic for any trouble these photos caused Ms. Zeta-Jones,� said Sanchez. �However, we did nothing illegal or untoward, and are certain we will win the case. For one, she can�t really accuse us of making her ass look huge since she�s sitting on the thing in all these pictures. More importantly, the two of them can hardly claim they were unaware of being photographed, since they are grabbing their crotches, sticking their tongues out, and flipping the bird at the camera in each and every shot we have of them.�
By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.