Still here. But mostly in 140 characters.
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Monday, December 16, 2002
 
Did you know?

You can buy cheaply-made stuff from us. Click here.

Be the life of the next event you attend! Easily escape as multitudes of lumbering offended enthusiasts chase you angrily, panting from lack of exercise, to lamely slap you with park brochures, because you intimated that they might either (a) overstate their importance, (b) enjoy the all-you-can-eat buffets a bit much, or (c) be a bit too much into amusement park-themed patches.

Never realized you needed a coaster news satire website license plate frame, did you? Well, now you know.

You're welcome.

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Copyright 2002-2009 Absolutely Reliable News & Rumors.

By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.

Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."

Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.

Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.

We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.