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Wednesday, October 16, 2002
FastPass Riders to Get Hot Towels, Beverages Six Flags Theme Parks announced today that guests who purchase a "FastPass," a special pass to skip the lines for major thrill rides, will also be given hot towels during the loading process and a complimentary beverage of their choice. In addition, an opaque curtain will be installed on most coasters that have a FastPass lane so that FastPass riders will be separated from the rest of the train (now called "coach" or "economy class" by the park company). The chain is said to be considering adding separate luxury bathrooms, fully-reclining seats, and personal video systems for FastPass customers. The future may see non-FastPass customers being restricted to an entirely separate portion of the park where only one-half-ounce bags of pretzels and six-ounce cups of RC-brand soda will be available for purchase. Posted at 7:24 PM | Link | 0 comment(s)
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By the way, in case you're really not too sharp, this is satire.
Our favorite review: "as a joke it [ARN&R] wasn't that funny. all of my family take parks very seriuslyand all thow we laffed after time we were apoled by the joke."
Anything you e-mail us is fair game to go on the site or to be used in any other way, including printing it up real big and posting it outside AbsolutelyReliableTowers.
Sorry, your IQ must be this high and your age at least 18 to be among the intended readers of ARN&R. Please enjoy some of our other attractions.
We like gravy and the occasional buffet. The greatest thing ever, however, would be a gravy buffet.
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